Sometimes it doesn’t take much to royally piss me off. Sometimes it takes an awful lot. Today is one of those “sometimes” from the former category and it involves my car.

I have a Saturn VUE. My first Saturn VUE was a dream…it was a dream to drive and the only thing I had to do to it was replace the tires — not a single system repair, though I had body work done when I slammed into that big glass window (that everyone in Hawaii eventually knew about because said window belonged to a very prominent and revered Chinese restaurant).

It didn’t surprise anyone when I upgraded to the 2006 model, factory-ordered, but I should’ve known it was going to be trouble when I got it. This second VUE came to me with a busted radio and clock and without my requested 16-inch alloy wheels. I drove it for a week before the dealership took it back and kept it for four days because the factory shipped out “the wrong radio.” I then had the battery die on me about six months after getting it because the alternator wasn’t working properly.

I bring the thing to Cali with me and within a year the master cylinder on the clutch explodes (“Never seen anything like it,” the technician said). They replaced everything — lines, hydraulics, master and slave cylinder, etc. “You’ve basically got a brand new system,” they said. So imagine my surprise this past week when, just three months after the warranty ended and a little over a year since it was “brand new,” the clutch is AGAIN dropping to the floor and staying there. I take it in and tell them “there’s something wrong with my clutch.” They are (from the diagnostic report) “…unable to verify customer concern of clutch pedal going to the floor and sticking. Did find clutch hydraulic fluid dirty. Performed flush of clutch hydraulic fluid. If symptoms persist further diagnosis may be required.”

I’ll point out that I told them about the previous repairs done when the master cylinder gave out before. They were not without clues, people. I was duly diligent in giving them the background on the whole system.

Now, if you say that there’s been an issue with the system, you’d think they would check the system. Well, they didn’t. The very nice service supervisor on Saturday said it was probably air in the hydraulic, and with the flush it may happen a little more but otherwise they couldn’t see anything wrong. I asked how long I should pay attention to the sticky clutch. He said give it about a week.

It’s two days later and my car has zero clutchness. It no longer shifts gears. Those fine folk at Saturn sent me onto the road without a thorough diagnostic and had I been on the freeway when the car gave out I don’t know what would’ve happened. The car is back at another dealership (because that’s all my On*Star roadside assistance would pay for) and the guy there is asking me if I ride my clutch because the master cylinder “is not holding pressure.”

Yeah. Chicks who drive sticks, we’re such idiots. I have news for you mechanic types. Master cylinders don’t have anything to do with riding a clutch, and a cylinder that is not holding pressure generally has bad seals and that’s not usually the driver’s fault. Gee, maybe that was the reason my hydraulic fluid was dirty? Ohmygod…ya think?!?

My VUE has a whopping 28,593 miles on it and is just over three years old. And I don’t ride the clutch, thank you very much. There’s no way the master cylinder should have given out once, let alone twice. You want to make this my fault because you can, so I should just pony up the $1,500 to fix it instead of dealing with your faulty craftsmanship and/or faulty workmanship.

They didn’t check the clutch system, they simply found dirty fluid and stopped there. When I asked how it got dirty, they said it was probably deteriorating seals – but they didn’t know for sure, did they, because they didn’t really poke around too much. Saturn let me leave without having checked the master and slave cylinders after I told them what happened in the past. Then they insulted me with their “diagnosis is not repair” hyperbole which, when boiled to its essence means that I paid them a diagnostic fee for not doing what they should have. Oh, and there’s that little “you NEVER ride the clutch? NEVER?” crap, as if that would have made any difference at all.

The fact that there could’ve been a very messy accident and possible bodily harm has no meaning to them, I guess, but to a woman who is the sole provider for a tweener and a senior it means everything. My company has been loyal to Saturn since the early 90’s and I don’t like the thanks we’re getting for it. While I may very well have to scrape together the money to fix the car so I have wheels, this isn’t the end of this tirade. Nope. I plan to keep at this until Saturn make things right. If this is the way they thank their customers then it’s no wonder they’re on the short list of GM cast-offs should they restructure. Saturn used to be a caring, consumer-proactive business. What the fuck happened? Oh, um…yeah…that GM CEO that the president just fired, maybe?

I’m going to be the bad-ass negative campaigner from Saturn’s worst nightmares. This oughta be a ton of fun. I hope they enjoy the ride.