You know what I miss about Hawaii? I mean really, really miss? Trees. Two types of trees, to be succinct.

Avocado trees that have grown in your neighbor’s yard for at least three generations, which in wet years produce massive, tasty avocados that weigh about a pound each. These are usually hybrid Hass-Reed varieties that bend branches and are so plentiful your neighbor is delivering sacks of the stuff each week. If you’re a Townie like me, you can buy the fruit in a local grocery store for the ridiculous sum of $0.50/lb. - creamy, nutty, cut in half and served with a very light dusting of table salt. The ritual insists that you clean the seed, poke some toothpicks into it, and set it in a glass by the kitchen window to see if it will sprout you your own tree.

Lychee (pronounced ‘lai-chee in Hawaii but is really ‘lee-chee) trees that, if you’re lucky, have grown in another neighbor’s yard for at least three generations, which produce cascades of spiky ruby fruit that threaten to topple the trees (and, often, the roofs of the houses). Your neighbor has to really like you to invite you to grab a branch. The preferred variety is Kaimana, a type of Hak Ip lychee, that used to produce a hell of a lot more fruit before all this global warming crap screwed up the environment. If you are, again, a Townie, you can buy this fruit at the grocery store for about $5.50/lb. In wet years the fruit is plump, moist, meaty-tasting. In dry years, if you get fruit at all, it’s less plump and less moist, but meaty as hell so it’s quite chewy. Simply peel away the husk and pop the fruit whole in your mouth, spitting out the seed. Or serve it in sugary almond floats or stuffed with cream cheese for dessert.

In my younger days there were so many trees in so many neighborhoods that one rarely had difficulty finding someone who’d donate these crops to the table. OSM would often bring home boxes of the stuff and re appropriate them among her social strata — the avocados from Aunty Katy’s back yard would end up on Aunty Eva’s dining table twenty miles away. As urban sprawl has taken over and folks began wanting more square footage under their roofs, these trees have been disappearing. It is now rare to find one - or both - of these trees in anyone’s yard. They’re so uncommon now that one can use them as directional markers. “Take a left at Mrs. Choy’s house, the one with the avocado tree.” Where the neighbors used to put a sign in their driveway stating, “Free! Come take!” they now read, “Eh, No Touch!” and are sometimes guarded by pit bull terriers.

I write this as I’m staring at a small Hass avocado that I purchased at Von’s for $1.76. It will taste ok, but it’s a piddling little thing. It’s the type of food item that makes me yearn for Hawaii. Along with avocados and lychee, the neighbors would also have banana, papaya, and mango trees, but since you could get these fruits anywhere they didn’t have the same contextual specialness of the two fruits I miss the most. Ok, maybe mango…Haden is popular but only if you grow it just right, so Mrs. Choy’s tree might bear better fruit than Mr. Ling’s across the street. Since I’m allergic to mango, forget that!

Anyway…

Anyone from Hawaii who is reading this…eh, get dis yeah or what?  Try send ‘um to Aunty Ninja, k? She stay ono for some. And mahalo, Cuz!  I spokk ya bambai!