Picture, if you will (you’re gonna have to, only Sushi and my ’ster have been in my hovel):  our heroine (that’d be me), in the kitchen, cleaning the morning dishes.  Pre-teen, in the bathroom, getting ready for school.

A blood-curdling (and I mean blood…CURDLING…) scream splits the atmosphere.  The very ozone is sundered right between our heroine’s ears.  She drops what she’s washing and runs, soap-fisted, toward the bathroom.  She trips on the cord protector strip by the little hallway, stubbing her baby toe in a mean, freakish, just-ripped-from-the-body-kinda-painful way.  She tries to grab the closest pole of her chrome shelving unit, but ya know…soap is slippery…and smashes headlong into the right-angle corner where the bedroom and bathroom walls meet.  Her sternum takes a direct hit as her irresistible mass meets that immovable object. 

It’s a disorienting thing, this getting the wind knocked out of you.

Unable to breathe, and limping like a lopsided…er, lopsided thing…she glances at her daughter, who is still screaming.

“What?!?” our heroine hisses, zero air in her lungs.

“I got toothpaste in my eyes and IT BURNS!” the preteen screams.

“Flush them out with water.  NOW!”  the heroine hisses louder, checking her ribs for cracks, testing her foot for broken bones.  She is in agony.  Just like her kid.

It takes a good minute for her wits to reappear.  What wits, you ask?  The wits that bellow, “Don’t laugh!  This is not the right time!”  The preteen, meanwhile, has flushed, flushed, flushed.  Her eyes are no longer stinging from the mint in the toothpaste, they are stinging from way too much immersion.

“You have to get Aunty Cathy,” our heroine tells her.

“But I can’t see out of my eye!” the child whines.

“You have to go anyway, ‘cuz I can’t walk.  I think I broke my foot.”

The preteen sprints.  “Slowly,” she’s cautioned, “or you’ll end up like me.”  Like THAT advise will keep her out of therapy for any length of time.

Aunty Cathy, a veteran trauma nurse, rushes over.  “Are you okay?”

“You’re…you’re not going to believe what just happened,” our heroine stammers, fighting back tears and the twisted urge to giggle.

“Ohmygod!” Aunty Cathy exclaims.  “She showed up at my door all breathless and saying you might have broken your foot.  And she had tears in her eyes and her face was all red.  So I told her that everything would be fine, broken feet heal right up, there was no need to cry.  And she said, ‘Oh, I’m not crying, I just flushed some toothpaste out of my eyes.’  What the HELL are you two DOING this morning?!”

The good news: foot didn’t break but it’s horribly swollen and sore; sternum worked as intended, so our heroine is fine if she doesn’t try to heft anything heavier than a sandwich.  The preteen’s vision is restored (hallelujah!). 

And Aunty Cathy is still speaking to the both of them.

For the uninitiated - that means you, Mikiepie -, Hiromi Go is a singing idol from the 60’s & 70’s who rose to fame once again in the late 90’s with his rendition of “Living La Vida Loca.” In Japan, it was known as the Ah-Chi-Chi song, but its title was “Goldfinger.” His manager never answered me about why it was named that, but what the heck.

Hard Gay is a Japanese pop culture phenom whose comedic edge is irresistibly charming to a nation otherwise given to hiding its alternative anythings under a very big rock (often called Korea). Hard Gay picks Hiromi Go as his paramour because they share the same initials. These two clips are my favorite of all the Hard Gay stuff you can get at youtube.com.

It’ll only take 20 minutes to view, and it’s pretty funny stuff. Weird, crazy, strange, Japanese stuff, but pretty funny nonetheless.

First Clip

Second Clip  

Among the interesting stories on CNN.com today was this one, detailing ABC’s plans to air a dramatized account of behind-the-scenes events leading up to the 9/11 World Trade Center attack.  Called “The Path to 9/11,” the work is loosely based on the 9/11 Commission’s report.

Directing most of their wrath at Disney’s CEO Robert Iger (Disney is ABC’s parent company), former president Bill Clinton and his advisors are furious that certain defamatory and inaccurate material are part and parcel of the miniseries.  ABC claims that the piece is still undergoing edits, and “will continue to, if needed until we broadcast” which at this writing is about 40 hours away.

CNN.com quotes, “‘No one has seen the final version of the film, because the editing process is not yet complete, so criticisms of film specifics are premature and irresponsible,’ the network said in a statement Thursday.”  Later in the piece, a source says that, ”‘These are people of integrity,’ The Post quoted Kean as saying of the filmmakers.  ‘I know there are some scenes where words are put in characters’ mouths.  But the whole thing is true to the spirit of 9/11.’”

If the thing airs as scheduled, Iger’s head is lodged pretty far up the mouse’s ass.  If it’s as flawed as the CNN.com story reports (9/11 Committee chair Thomas H. Kean, an advisor on the project, is one of several high-ranking Capitol Hill powerbrokers who have reported inaccuracies), it’s not fit for public consumption.  The only thing that would be ”premature and irresponsible” would be putting it on the grid. 

It also doesn’t matter that “no one has seen the final version,” it matters that the people who really were in the path of 9/11 found misappropriations in the scenes they did see.  When Clinton cautions that the piece “ought to tell the truth,” a part of me snickers (Clinton?  Calling for truth?) but the rest of me agrees.  Apparently, these ”people of integrity” can’t tell Madeline Albright from General Joseph Ralston, either.

While ABC insists that they’ll air a disclaimer four times during the broadcast, wouldn’t they prefer to get it right?  Is ABC so desperate for a ratings score that they’re willing to sacrifice a little integrity and risk the wrath of the entire ex-Pennsylvania Avenue contingent?

I doubt that this is the kind of business that Walt Disney envisioned his company doing - ever.

9/11 was the worst tragedy on American soil since Pearl Harbor - it should be treated with the utmost respect.  In all fairness to those involved (yes, this includes the former White House administration), shelving the project until it’s corrected would be the only acceptable course of action in keeping with “the spirit of 9/11.”