I did not know, until my friend Jay Larrin mentioned it at his dinner show last night, that the venerated Christmas hymn, “Oh Holy Night,” was initially called the worst musical work ever to be presented to the Church of France. That surprised me. So last night as Jay sang it I listened carefully for the first time in perhaps twenty years and fell in love with the song all over again. It is one of those melodies that, like “Oh Come Emmanuel,” defines Christmas for me: music that haunts (allegorically laden with the sadness of sin), words that uplift (defining the promise of salvation).

After the show Jay and I had a quick chance to chat and our talk invariably led to the human condition — a subject that I (without his zen detachment, mind you) find passionate and all-consuming. He has gone through an evolution, one which began when he first came to Hawaii two decades or so ago. The power of this evolution is evident in his poetry and his music. He is extremely gifted and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed listening to his shows. They are gospels of delight, desserts of decadent joy folded gently with the bitter and the sweet, teaching harmony of self within his radio-friendly, pop culture repertoire. One has no clue one is consuming such a copious quantity of unfailing human love. And I finally got it last night — it’s the reason Jay’s concerts are always uplifting.

This startling realization really summed up my Christmas wish. All journeys to the outer region must begin at the core. 2003-2004 has been such a rancorous year that I have been yearning for more openness, more honesty. Not the biting, sarcastic, venomous quips that have made me infamous, but the patient, thoughtful, and caring stuff which comes from a sense of serenity. When one is at peace with one’s self, it is easy to be at peace with others. I would like to be at peace with myself. It would certainly be a drastic change from my regularly scheduled chaos.

Dear God, it sounds like I’m mellowing with age. Dammit!

For Brett Harper, who wondered what I’d look like as a blonde: I finally had my hair done this past week. It took three salon appointments to get it where I wanted it. My web cam isn’t the best, but here are the before and after shots.

From the Ninja Doll and her Ninja Kid, heartfelt wishes for a blessed and loving holiday season and a serene and fun-filled 2005 for each and every one of you.